Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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