Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My bed smells like the plague
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
