Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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