Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
