Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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