i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
