"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize