make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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