Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
