IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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