So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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