we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Send help, water and tortillas.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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