so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
