so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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