I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
