And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
