Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize