imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
