I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
This house was built for laser tag.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
