so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
