I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
