My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
