Where did you get a picture of my penis
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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