have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My vagina just clenched in fear
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
