i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The Olympian is in my bed
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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