Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
