That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
