I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
