Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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