I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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