I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
