hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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