I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
