there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
