i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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