More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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