If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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