I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
