oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
