i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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