I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
