sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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