big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
