hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
