yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
