you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
