Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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