i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
