i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
