I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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