I want to have your abortion
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
