I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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