I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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