I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she told me i tasted like america
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
