And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My life is pants optional.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
