I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
