It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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