Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
