why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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