Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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