I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
