checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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