I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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