just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
