im drinking this country out of the recession.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
