she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
