closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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