That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
