Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
