I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
