I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How does it feel to date your dad?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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