This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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