you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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