I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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