I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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