just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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