if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
