I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
