I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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