well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
