yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
