onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
