I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
