does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
