so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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