I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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