i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Your penis caused this!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize