party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
