Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
