I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
