Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize