my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
