I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
