THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
it glows. i had to have it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Randomize
