Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
