So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
