I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
All the doctor said was why
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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