you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
